" Remember to enjoy the moment....We are only
here for a flicker in the span of time."

"Courage does not always roar. It sometimes is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I will try again tomorrow."

"How silent the woods would be if only the best birds sang."

"May your dreams sail high and wide, and the child in your heart remain forever."

"If I try, I can't fail" ~Michael Jordan~

"Life isn't about keeping score. It's not about how many people call you and it's not about who you've dated, are dating, or haven't dated at all. It isn't about who you've kissed, what sport you play, or which guy or girl likes you. It's not about your shoes or your hair or the color of your skin or where you live or go to school. In fact, it's not about grades, money, clothes, or colleges that accept you or not. Life isn't about if you have lots of friends, or if you are alone, and it's not about how accepted or unaccepted you are. Life just isn't about that. But life is about who you love and who you hurt. It's about how you feel about yourself. It's about sticking up for your friends and replacing inner hate with love. Life is about avoiding jealousy, overcoming ignorance, and building confidence. It's about what you say and what you mean. It's about seeing people for who they are and not what they have. Most of all, it is about choosing to use your life to touch someone else's in a way that could never have been achieved otherwise. These choices are what life's about." ~Nike ad~

“What do you do when the only person who can make you stop crying is the person who made you cry?”

"Anywhere is walking distance, if you've got the time."
~Steven Wright~

"Other things may change us, but we start and end with family."

"We can't all be heroes because somebody has to
sit on the curb and clap as they go by."
Will Rogers

"You can't stay in your corner of the forest waiting for others to come to you. You have to go to them sometimes." ~Winnie the Pooh~

"I always knew I'd look back at the times I cried, and laugh...but I never thought I'd look back at the times I laughed, and cry."

"Change is never easy. You fight to hold on. You fight to let go." ~The Wonder Years~

You can easily judge the character of a man by how he treats those who can do nothing for him."

"You can't stay mad at someone who makes you laugh." ~Jay Leno~

"If you should die before me ask if you could bring a friend." ~Stone Temple Pilots~

"How far we travel in life matters far less than those we meet on the way."

"A real friend is a person who, when you've made a fool of yourself, helps you forget it." ~Unknown~

"Eat shit!- Ten billion flies can't be wrong."

To me, it's a good idea to always carry two sacks of something when you walk around. That way, if anybody says, "Hey, can you give me a hand?" you can say, "Sorry, got these sacks."

“Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh. But then I think, what if I was an ant, and she fell on me. Then it wouldn't seem quite so funny.”

"Beer, helping white guys dance since 1842"

If the good Lord had intended us to walk he wouldn't have invented roller-skates.
~Willy Wonka~

I'm not normally a religious man, but if you're up there, save me, Superman! ~Homer~

I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.

"If you ever fall off the Sears Tower, just go real limp, because maybe you'll look like a dummy and people will try to catch you because, hey, free dummy

"Don't take life seriously because you can't come out of it alive." ~Bugs Bunny~

"Enjoy life. There's plenty of time to be dead."

“Always laugh when you can.
It is cheap medicine.”

"A person knows he has found his true love when they call that person and say: Honey, I just killed someone. And that persons response is where do we hide the body?"

"The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough.
It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get at the end of it?
A Death. What's that, a bonus? I think the life cycle is all backwards. You
should die first, get it out of the way. Then you live in an old age home.
You get kicked out when you're too young, you get a gold watch and you go to
work. You work forty years until you're young enough to enjoy your
retirement. You do drugs, alcohol, you party, you
get ready for high school. You go to grade school, you become a kid, you
play, you have no responsibilities. You become a little baby, you go back
into the womb, spend your last nine months floating...and you
finish off as an orgasm."

"I bet living in a nudist colony takes all the fun out of Halloween."

"People say hard work never killed anyone, but I say why should I take the chance"

"And when it rains on your parade, look up rather than down. Without the rain, there would be no rainbow."
~ Jerry Chin

"The harder you fall, the higher you bounce."
~ Doug Horton

"Do not look back on happiness, or dream of it in the future. You are only sure of today; do not let yourself be cheated out of it." --Henry Ward Beecher

"People who take time to be alone usually have depth, originality, and quiet reserve."
--John Miller

"We enjoy warmth because we have been cold. We appreciate light because we have been in darkness. By the same token, we can experience joy because we have known sadness."
--David Weatherford

“How can you say luck and chance are the same? Chance is the first step you take, luck is what comes afterwards.”
-- Amy Tan

"We worry about what a child will be tomorrow, yet we forget that he is someone today." -- Stacia Tauscher

"If you keep a gun in your purse, you get killed, because no woman can find anything in her purse in under twelve minutes. It is a rule."-Anita Blake

"You don't frighten us, English pig dogs! Go and boil your bottoms, you sons of a silly person! I blow my nose at you, so-called Arthur-King, you and all your silly English Kkkknnnights! I unclog my nose in your direction, sons of a window dresser! So, you think you could out-clever us French folks with your silly, knees-bent, running-about, advancing behavior? I wave my private parts at your aunties, you cheesy-leather, second-hand electric donkey bottom-biters! No chance, English bed-wetting types. I burst my pimples at you and call your door-opening request a silly thing, you tiny-brained wipers of other people's bottoms! I don't wanna talk to you no more, you empty-headed animal food-trough water! I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!"
- Monty Python and the Holy Grail

"I can resist everything except temptation." - Oscar Wilde

"Friends don't let friends...go to clubs dressed like The Crow." - Anonymous

Women may get to wear lots of pretty colors, but men get the comfortable shoes. -Anita, The Laughing Corpse

"I loved him, but love isn't enough. All the fairy tales, the romance novels, the soap operas; they're all lies. Love does not conquer all." Anita - The Lunatic Cafe

" 'Can the sarcasm,' he said.
'Please, I always use fresh sarcasm, never canned.' " Dolph & Anita - Circus of the Damned

"Most people will accept a likely lie to an unlikely truth. In fact, they prefer it." Anita - Guilty Pleasures

If I ever go looking for my heart's desire again, I won't look any further
than my own back yard. Because if it isn't there, I never really lost it to
begin with.
~Dorothy~

Hearts will never be practical until they can be made unbreakable.
~Professor Marvel~

"Such as we are made of, such we be."
-- William Shakespeare

The important thing is to know how to take all things quietly.
-- Michael Faraday: (1791-1867) English physicist, chemist

Screw every1 who said it can't b dun - jus coz they couldn't. Screw every1 who tried 2 make u feel weak coz it was de only way they cud feel strong. Screw every1 who tried 2 make u b different coz they didn't get that if u couldn't b who u had 2 b...u were screwed!

Love is the feeling that you're feeling when the feeling that you're feeling is the feeling you've never felt before. :P~

The seven ages of man: spills, drills, thrills, bills, ills, pills, & wills.
--Richard Needham

The world is a great book, he who never stirs from home, reads only a page.
- St. Augustine

Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all.

~ Emily Dickinson

Don't be afraid of showing your feelings, be afraid of regretting it when you didn't.
--- Laura Springer

If I accept you as you are, I will make you worse; however if I treat you as though you are what you are capable of becoming, I help you become that.
- Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe

"Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an
open sewer and die."
Mel Brooks.

.

"The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write
with."
Marty Feldman.

"The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred,
Barney..."
Steven Wright.

"I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated
that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't
understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who
your dentist is?"
Paul Merton.

"auntie em: hate you, hate kansas, taking the dog." -dorothy

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?

3 kinds of people: those who can count and those who can't.

Warning: dates on calendar are closer than they appear.

Some people are alive only because it is illegal to kill them.

Love: two vowels, two consonants, two fools.

if we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made with meat?

Your kid may be an honor student but you're still an idiot

Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.

I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.

Calvin: People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they
don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the
world. Hobbes: Isn't the zipper on your pants supposed to be in the
front?

"Time's fun when you're having flies." -- Kermit the Frog

Sacred cows make the best hamburger. -- Mark Twain

The only difference between me and a madman is that I am not mad. --
Salvador Dali

On one occasion a student burst into his office. "Professor Stigler,
I don't believe I deserve this F you've given me." To which Stigler
replied, "I agree, but unfortunately it is the lowest grade the
University will allow me to award."

For three days after death, hair and fingernails continue to grow but
phone calls taper off. -- Johnny Carson

Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing.

My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right. --
Ashleigh Brilliant

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian
because I hate plants. -- A. Whitney Brown

Karate is a form of martial arts in which people who have had years
and years of training can, using only their hands and feet, make some
of the worst movies in the history of the world. -- Dave Barry

Since light travels faster than sound, people appear bright until you
hear them speak.

Are people more violently opposed to fur rather than leather because
it's much easier to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

Why do they sterilize the needle for a lethal injection?

What do you do when you discover an endangered animal that eats only
endangered plants?

If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?

"If high heels were so wonderful, men would be wearing them."
-- Sue Grafton.

"The hard part about being a bartender is figuring out who is drunk
and who is just stupid." -- Richard Braunstein.

"Money can't buy friends, but you get a better class of enemy."
-- Spike Milligan.

"When choosing between two evils I always like to take the one I've
never tried before."
-- Mae West.

"I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally."
-- W. C. Fields.

"The great tragedy of science -- the slaying of a beautiful
hypothesis by an ugly fact."
-- Thomas Henry Huxley

"It is the customary fate of new truths to begin as heresies and to
end as superstitions."
-- Thomas Henry Huxley

"The minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settled for."
--Maureen Dowd

Some people change their ways when they see the light, others when
they feel the heat.

~ Caroline Schoeder