"I opened up a yogurt, underneath the lid it said, "Please try again." because they were having a contest that I was unaware of. I thought maybe I opened the yogurt wrong... Or maybe Yoplait was trying to inspire me... "Come on Mitchell, don't give up!" An inspirational message from your friends at Yoplait. Fruit on the bottom, hope on top!"
- Mitch Hedberg

Once upon a time, a woman was picking up firewood. She came upon a poisonous snake frozen in the snow. She took the snake home and nursed it back to health. One day the snake bit her on the cheek. As she lay dying, she asked the snake, "Why have you done this to me?" And the snake answered, "Look, bitch, you knew I was a snake." ~ Indian Chief, Natural Born Killers

Experience is a hard teacher because she gives the test first, the lesson afterward
~Vernon Law

The world is a dangerous place to live, not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it.
~Albert Einstein

Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.
~Mark Twain

Worrying is like a rocking chair, it gives you something to do, but it doesn't get you anywhere.
~Unknown

"If you look closely at a tree you'll notice it's knots and dead branches, just like our bodies. What
we learn is that beauty and imperfection go together wonderfully."
~Matthew Fox

Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
Ernest Hemingway (1899 - 1961)

"The best bridge between despair and hope is a good night's sleep."
~E. Joseph Cossman

Borrow money from pessimists--they dont expect it back.

"I have found that if you love life, life will love you back."

- Arthur Rubinstein

"In the middle of every difficulty lies opportunity." - Albert Einstein

"It requires more courage to suffer than to die." - Napoleon Bonaparte

love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, and he wears it every day.

every guy can love a thousand girls. but only a real guy can love one girl a thousand ways.

guys should wear a condom on their head. if they're gonna act like a dick, they should dress like one too.

i've finally realize what life is about -- it's hanging on when you heart has had enough, and giving more when you feel like giving up.

when i heard you call me a [bitch] i just smiled and laughed because i knew that waaay before you did!

When you make a mistake, don't look back at it long. Take the reason of the thing into your mind and then look forward. Mistakes are lessons of wisdom. The past cannot be changed. The future is yet in your power.
- Hugh White

The world is not respectable; it is mortal, tormented, confused, deluded forever; but it is shot through with beauty, with love, with glints of courage and laughter; and in these, the spirit blooms timidly, and struggles to the light amid the thorns.
- George Santayana

Any change, any loss, does not make us victims. Others can shake you, surprise you, disappoint you, but they can't prevent you from acting, from taking the situation you're presented with and moving on. No matter where you are in life, no matter what your situation, you can always do something. You always have a choice and the choice can be power.
- Blake Lee, The Power Principle

"Worry and Hurry" are evil twins who prey on unwary souls by means of their unseen partnership. As "Worry" paints a negative mental image that promises the worst to come, "Hurry" whispers of the urgency in this emergency -- the emotional effect of which is to send us rushing to repair a problem that probably doesn't even exist!
-Guy Finley

"The next best thing to being clever is being able to quote someone who is."
- mary pettibone poole

"I always read the last page of a book so that if I die before I finnish, I'll know how it turned out."
- nora ephron

"I would rather have a mind opened by wonder than one closed by belief."
- Gerry Spence

"I had an epiphany a few years ago where I was out at a celebrity party and it suddenly dawned on me that I had yet to meet a celebrity who is as smart and interesting as any of my friends."
- Moby

Never judge a book by its movie.
- JW Eagan

Dont waste your time on jealousy; sometimes youre ahead, sometimes youre behind...the race is long, and in the end its only with yourself.

"One cannot think well, love well, sleep well, if one has not dined well."
--Virgina Woolf

"I think people that have a brother or sister don't realize how lucky they are. Sure, they fight a lot, but to know that ther's always somebody there, somebody that's family."
--Trey Parker and Matt Stone, South Park, Cat Orgy, 1999

"Real action is in silent moments." - Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882) American Poet, Essayist

"You can easily judge the character of a man by how he treats those who can do nothing for him."

-James D. Miles

"It always hurts more to have and lose than to not have in the first place."

There are 6,470,818,671 people in the world. some are running scared. some are coming home. some tell lies to make it through the day, others are just now facing the truth. some are evil men at war w. good, and some are good struggling with evil. 6 billion ppl in the world 6 billion souls and sometimes all you need is one.

And Alice picked up the little cake and it read on it 'Be yourself' . 'How funny' Alice thought "what else could I be!".
- Lewis Carroll

"Age does not protect you from love. But love, to some extent, protects you from age." - Anais Nin

** travel on the path you want to go, drive a minute in the path
"they" want you to, then turn. You'll get the best of both worlds
and be happy

Allow the world to change you, and you can change the world.
- Ernesto ('Che') Guevera

Have no fear of perfection...you'll never reach it!
-Salvatore Dali

"Every human being on this earth is born with a tragedy, and it isn't original sin. He's born with the tragedy that he has to grow up. That he has to leave the nest, the security, and go out to do battle. He has to lose everything that is lovely and fight for a new loveliness of his own making, and it's a tragedy. A lot of people don't have the courage to do it."
- Helen Hayes

Much happiness is overlooked because it doesn't cost anything.
-Oscar Wilde

"There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness."
- Friedrich Nietzsche.

"Your intelligence is measured by those around you; if you spend your days with idiots you seal your own fate."
-Mary M. Illigassch

"I love myself the most when I am laughing."
-Zora Neale Hurston

Life is pain. Anyone who tell you differently is selling something. -"The Princess Bride"

It's funny, you work so hard, you do everything you can to get away from a place, and when you finally get your chance to leave, you find a reason to stay. -Gattaca

"Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music."

-- George Carlin

On a traffic light yellow means yield, and green means go. On a banana, it's just the opposite, yellow means go ahead, green means stop, and red means, where the fuck did you get that banana?

"Sometimes being a friend means mastering the art of timing. There is a time for silence. A time to let go... And a time to prepare to pick up the pieces when it's all over."
- Gloria Naylor

My definition of an expert in any field is a person who knows enough about what's really going on to be scared.
-P. J. Plauger

*looking back, i have this to regreat.
that too often when I loved, I did not say*

As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands; one for helping yourself, and the other for helping others." - Audrey Hepburn

"If you are going through hell, keep going."
~Sir Winston Churchill

"If you don't understand my silence, you'll never understand my words."

"Never bend your head. Always hold it high.
Look the world straight in the eye."
~Helen Keller

You have to forget about what other people say, when you're supposed to die, or when you're supposed to be loving. You have to forget about all these things. You have to go on and be crazy. Craziness is like heaven~ Jimi Hendrix

"Any idiot can face a crisis; it's this day-to-day living that wears you out." - Anton Chekov

"Always give your best, never get discouraged, never be petty; always remember other may hate you, but those who hate you don't win unless you hate them, and then you destroy yourself."- Richard Nixon

"What does not destroy me makes me stronger." ~Friedrich Nietzche

I once had a garden filled with flowers that grew only on dark thoughts but they need constant attention & one day I decided I had better things to do. -- Dark Garden, StoryPeople

"The great advantage about telling the truth is that nobody ever believes it."
--Dorothy L. Sayers

"Oh, never mind the fashion. when one has a style of one's own, it is always twenty times better."
--Margaret Oliphant

"People underestimate their capacity for change. There is never a right time to
do a difficult thing."
--John Porter

"Oh sure, they say they're busy. They say that they didn't have even a moment in their insanely busy day to pick up the phone. It was just that crazy. Bullshit. With the advent of cell phones and speed dialing it is almost impossible not to call you. Sometimes I call people from my pants pocket when I don't even mean to. We may try to make you think differently, but we men are just like you. We like taking a break from out generally mundane day to talk to someone we like. It makes us happy. And we like to be happy. Just like you. If I were into you, you would be the bright spot in my horribly busy day. Which would be a day that I would never be too busy to call you. - "He's Just Not That Into You" Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo.

"'Busy' is another word for 'asshole'." - "He's Just Not That Into You" Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo.

"Sisters don't need words. They have perfected a language of snarls and smiles and frowns and winks - expressions of shocked surprise and incredulity and disbeliefs. Snifs and snorts and gasps and sighs - that can undermine any tale you're telling." - Pam Brown

"She is your partner in crime, your midnight companion, someone who knows when you are smiling, even in the dark. She is your teacher, you defense attorney, your personal press agent, even your shrink. Some days, she's the reason you wish you were an only child." -Barbara Alpert ~ sisters

Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication. -Leonardo da Vinci

If all difficulties were known at the outset of a long journey, most of us would never start out at all. -Dan Rather

He who wonders discovers that this in itself is wonder. -MC Escher

After a while, you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul and you learn that love doesn't mean leaning and company doesn't mean security. And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts and presents aren't promises. And you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes open, with the grace of an adult, not the grief of a child. And you learn to build all your roads on today because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans. After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much. So plan your own garden and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers. And you learn that you really can endure... That you really are strong. And that you really do have worth.

-Veronica A. Shoffehall

"Remember when American moms used to tell their kids to finish dinner because children were starving in Africa ? Well, thanks a lot, Mom — Africans are still starving and American kids are obese." — Larry Baum.

"Be kind - Remember every one you meet is fighting a battle - everybody's lonesome."
- Marion Parker

"The test of success is not what you do when your on top. Success is how high you bounce when you hit bottom."
- General George S. Patton, Jr

"If the sky were to suddenly open up... there would be no law... there would be no rule. There would only be you and your memories... the choices you've made and the people you've touched. The life that has been carved out from your subconcious is the only evidence by which you will be judged... by which you must judge yourself."

-Dr Thurman (in Donnie Darko)

And it's like as soon as you're up, life knocks you down. And then it's not long before you're up again. It's this endless cycle repeating itself, but that's just the way it is. You can fight, cry, curse, but in the end there's nothing you can do that will change any of it. All you can do is learn to accept the fact that everything won't always be perfect.

"You can't win the lottery if you don't buy a ticket."
--Cynthia VanRooy

"If you're going to be able to look back on something and laugh about it, you might as well laugh about it now"
- Marie Osmond

"Life is all about ass. You're either covering it, laughing it off, kicking it, kissing it, busting it, trying to get a piece of it, or behaving like one."

I will never understand why they cook on TV.
I can't smell it.
Can't eat it.
Can't taste it.
The end of the show they hold it up to the camara, "Well, here it is. You can't have any. Thanks for watching. Goodbye."

Jerry Seinfeld

"In the beginning there was nothing. God said, 'Let there be light!' And there was light. There was still nothing, but you could see it a whole lot better."
- Ellen DeGeneres

"When we lose the right to be different, we lose the right to be free." --Charles Evans Hughes

a little perspective:
Pythagorean theorem: 24 words

The Lord's Prayer: 66 words

Archimedes' Principle: 67 words

The 10 Commandments: 179 words

The Gettysburg Address: 286 words

The Declaration of Independence: 1,300 words

U.S. Government regulations on the sale of cabbage: 26911 words

"One of the greatest victories you can gain over someone is to beat him at politeness."
- Josh Billings

Alex Hitch Hitchens: Never lie, steal, cheat, or drink. But if you must lie, lie in the arms of the one you love. If you must steal, steal away from bad company. If you must cheat, cheat death. And if you must drink, drink in the moments that take your breath away. --from the movie Hitch

"A dreamer is one who can only find his way by moonlight, and his punishment is that he sees the dawn before the rest of the world."
- Oscar Wilde

"But the fact that some geniuses were laughed at does not imply that all who are laughed at are geniuses. They laughed at Columbus, they laughed at Fulton, they laughed at the Wright brothers. But they also laughed at Bozo the Clown."
- Carl Sagan

"I'm not afraid of dying. It's fate. What I'm afraid of is time. I'm afraid of not having enough time to do everything, to get what I want done. I'm afraid that I won't have enough time to find out who I am, my place in this world, and the people who matter to me. I'm afraid of time."

"Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first."
-- Mark Twain (1835 - 1910)

You cannot shake hands with a clenched fist.

Golda Meir

"the only perfect family is the kind you draw on a piece of paper- the stick kind."

See! This is what happens when you ignore superstitions! They fuck you in the ass! --Liz Bramble

"Yesterday I dared to struggle. Today I dare to win."

~ Bernadette Devlin

"Everyone is a genius at least once a year. The real geniuses simply have their bright ideas closer together."
-- Georg Christoph Lichtenberg (1742 - 1799)

Stone walls do not a prison make, nor iron bars a cage.

Richard Lovelace

"Sometimes, the real and only victory is knowing when to walk away." - "Take It From Me

She was a girl who knew how to be happy even when she was sad. And that's important you know.
Marilyn Monroe

"I try to believe like I believed when I was five.....when your heart tells you everything you need to know." - Lucy Liu

"Haven't you figured out yet that you are the only one who can do what you
do, the way you do it? Don't you realize that the world is waiting for you?"
Iyanla Vanzant

Each cut, each scar, each burn, a different mood or time. I told him what the first one was, told him where the second one came from. I remembered them all. And for the first time in my life I felt beautiful. Finally part of the earth. I touched the soil and he loved me back.

~Lee from the film Secretary

"Nothing is as irritating as the fellow who chats pleasantly while he's overcharging you."
-- Kin Hubbard (1868 - 1930)